Having experienced this need to sometimes be alone in my own life and seeing how it unfortunately occasionally hurts those around me who don't understand, I thought I might provide some insight and suggestions to both introverts and extraverts that has helped in my own life.
Introverts
- The first step is self realization that you are indeed an introvert. Plenty of articles and tests in this blog will help you on your way. Please, take them even if you don't think you are one because society often mixes shyness, awkwardness and other things with introversion confusing the process.
- This may sound easy and obvious but I did not truly realize that I am an introvert and what it means until "mid life".
- Internalize that most people do not think quite the same way you do, do not have the same types of needs as you and will often misunderstand/be hurt by some of your behaviors (including the need to be alone sometimes to recharge energy).
- Do not assume that family and your closest friends are an exception to the rule above. I made that mistake many times and have had to work hard to unwind the damage done by that assumption.
- Be vocal about being a proud member of the introvert community and explain what it means and what it does not mean. I even include a link in my email signature at work to my personality type description. Again, society as a whole has a profoundly different view of what introversion means from reality sometimes. Getting the word out will help you avoid misunderstandings in your own life and will help both introverts and extraverts get along better.
- If you think something like: "Surely family/friends/co-workers understand that I need ..." then you probably need to explain what "..." is explicitly and reaffirm that it is not something they have done. "..." for me is typically: space, time to think, time to unwind after work and such.
- To some extraverts, it seems to be a serious insult to want to avoid their company so please explain what is happening.
Extraverts
- Take the introversion tests. There is a scale of introversion and it is good to understand where you lie on that scale. It may explain why you are tired or grumpy sometimes (low on energy). Nobody is 100% introvert or 100% extravert (that isn't in an insane asylum most likely). Who knows, you may find that you are an introvert and a whole new way of life can be explored which may make you happier.
- Read about introversion and try to understand what it really means. It isn't a disease or mental problem. It isn't something that can be overcome (nor should it). It isn't shyness. It isn't awkwardness or clumsiness.
- If someone avoids you at times but seems to be friendly at other times, try to understand that they may be an introvert and need time to recharge energy (and they may not even know it!).
