INTJ Pet Peeves

I suspect some of the following post will apply to introverts in general but just to be safe... I'll stick with what I'm most familiar with: INTJs.

Have you ever gotten on the wrong side of an INTJ and have no idea why?  There can be several explanations for this INTJ behavior which have _nothing_ to do with your actions or behavior including:

• The natural introvert need to spend time alone to regain energy
• Really interesting thoughts/work consuming most of the INTJ's attention (this usually happens in relatively short bursts)
• Imagine watching a season finale of your favorite sport or being engrossed in a movie and then having someone come up to you and start a casual conversation.  It is the same to an INTJ as hard as that must be for others to imagine.
• INTJs just don't show emotion or facial expressions as readily as other personality types and are often mischaracterized as being aloof or angry when they are not
• A stressed INTJ may be more withdrawn than normal

Introverts live in their heads more than extroverts so take time to examine other distractors before thinking that you have somehow crossed an introvert or INTJ.  Exhausted this line of reasoning already?  Then you may have unknowingly triggered an INTJ pet peeve.  There are many and I suspect these irritants are in some cases very different from other personality types which is why I'd like to provide a list of my own personal pet peeves (which generally match INTJ pet peeves):

• Pushy salespeople
• Surprises
• We are big fans of planning and not being spontaneous in general
• Don't make decisions for us
• We dislike getting gifts, as it burdens us with the need to reciprocate
• Let's just pretend that we both got each other gifts (that 99% of the time we don't like), returned them and call it even without actually going through the hassle.
• We dislike holidays in general (Halloween is an exception, it is fun!)
• Consumer driven holidays are the worst!  I hate being "forced" into buying something for someone for no apparent reason on a given day of the year.  I would rather see something that the recipient would like and buy it for them at that point.  Doesn't that require more thought and care than pulling a gift lever on a certain day?
• We hate small talk, gossip, superficial social rules and relationship/people talk
• We get particularly annoyed by attacks on our intelligence, competence, and integrity
• We hate it when people try to manipulate us
• Seriously, don't do this, we are largely immune to those tactics and we will think less of you for trying it
• Insincerity, lying and backstabbing even if it isn't directed at us
• People interfering with our alone time
• People who are chronically late
• I like the old saying that if you aren't 5-10 minutes early, you are late!
• People who talk incessantly. We will just engage our “nod and smile” autopilot and mentally go somewhere else.
• People who are incompetent, closed minded or arrogant
• Superficiality
• Emotional manipulation especially from salespeople.  We have zero tolerance for pushy salespeople.
• People who waste our time (often salespeople, see a theme?)
• We do not respect nonsensical rules, social "norms" or regulations just because they are there
• Do not expect us to respect title or chain of command; it must be earned
• Decisions or reasoning based on emotion
• Highly structured environments with no room to uniquely solve a problem or improve process
• Inefficiency
• I think INTJs are almost OCD about making things run efficiently; really!
• Manual or repetitive labor that can be automated
• Personal questions unless they come from a close friend
• Public criticism or trying to learn something new in front of a crowd
• I may be weird here but I generally dislike public praise as well
• Meetings without clear goals, especially auto-repeating meetings
• Being pigeon-holed into specific positions or roles
• Aggressive behavior used to circumvent logical analysis
• Example: The person who pounds the table loudest or yells the loudest in a meeting decides direction
• Randomly choosing direction or "shotgun approach" on projects to "see what sticks"
• Open/distracting work environments; we value privacy
• Forced and spontaneous brainstorming sessions without a chance to prepare in advance
• Speaking "off the cuff" in a meeting; we prefer email where we can collect our thoughts
• Phone calls (this must sound strange but text or email is much more efficient usually and the small talk can be avoided)
• Not being valued especially in the workplace
• We work hard to make efficient processes that run themselves so it is often not apparent how much work the INTJ put into setting everything up as it runs so smoothly
• Leaving things open and unresolved
• We want to cross items off the list as being resolved to focus on the next item
• Messiness (we are organizers)
• Being interrupted
• I just saw a quote recently that sums it up perfectly: "Excuse me, did the middle of my sentence interrupt the start of yours?"
• No notice of upcoming changes or a little time to internalize the change
• Too much work load which causes the INTJ perfectionism to be discarded due to lack of time
• Lack of meaningful achievement on a pretty regular basis
• When someone answers a different question than what was asked or an attempt to "baffle you with B.S."
• Having to repeat ourselves or thinking that we are not being heard

... and finally, "What is wrong?" and "Why are you mad?" questions when we are simply lost in thought and thus a big reason for this article.  It gets tiring to be accused of an emotion we aren't having so please try to understand us a little better and we'll try not to get totally lost in thought as often in public.  Deal? :)

I got some pet peeves from The Complete Idiot's Guide to the INTJ although most of this list is my own.