Sunday, February 10, 2013

Shyness and Introversion


This may be a surprise to many readers but shyness is very different from introversion.  We will begin with definitions first:

Shyness: The feeling of apprehension, lack of comfort or awkwardness experienced when a person is in proximity to, approaching or being approached by other people, especially in new situations or with unfamiliar people.

Here are some shyness tests.  I haven't found many good tests as the questions are fairly transparent usually and as always, seek professional guidance rather than rely on amateur internet tests:
http://shynesssocialanxiety.com/am-i-shy-shyness-test/

Introversion: The state of or tendency toward being wholly or predominantly concerned with and interested in one's own mental life.
[See previous posts for introversion tests.]

Here are some examples of real and fictional characters that may show the combinations of shyness and introversion (or the lack thereof):
  • Shy (and probably introverted): Raj Koothrappali character in Big Bang Theory
  • Not shy and introverted: Sheldon Cooper character in Big Bang Theory
  • Shy and extraverted: Barbra Streisand
  • Not shy and extraverted: Oprah Winfrey (at least her TV personality)

The key point is that introverts choose more solitary activities out of genuine preference (where they can build up their energy and explore their thoughts) and shy people avoid social events out of discomfort or fear.  From an outsider's point of view, it may be difficult to tell the difference.  This difference can lead to misunderstandings.  Another point to remember is that, in general, shyness can be overcome with professional support but introversion cannot (there is nothing wrong with introversion).

Trying to force social interactions on an introvert may cause the introvert to become tired, grumpy and make the introvert pull away from interactions to regain energy.  Friends may think something is wrong and try to pull the introvert "out of the shell" even more causing a cycle of misunderstanding.  This misunderstanding can be especially difficult if the introvert does not know that they are an introvert and do not understand why they are having these seemingly anti-social feelings.

It is difficult for me to speak to a shy example as my shyness test results show that I am about average in shyness but I'll try... (please readers, if you are shy, I would love to hear your opinions!)  Friends trying to pull a shy but extraverted friend "out of the shell" may meet with greater success once the social fears are overcome.  The individual may even be glad that their friends pushed a little.  Again, this is pure guesswork for sake of example.  I am not a doctor.

It is important to remember that introverts need and crave social bonding and get lonely like anyone else but they do not need as much social stimulation.  They do not want to be left alone completely; please keep this in mind.

Another interesting aspect of shyness is the cultural acceptability around the world.  According to some articles that I've read, someone who is shy may be considered a coward in the US but in China a shy person may be looked up to and praised.

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